Korean = Chinese

I wasn't sure what to write for my first entry. I'm sure the people coming here are wanting to read and relate to experiences growing up adopted in America, and I started to cull through the depths of my memories, pulling for something insightful, poignant, and entertaining. Recently it's been difficult to think of anything but the present. My Chinese boyfriend is about to rage quit his family and live a life of exile with his bad American girlfriend, sure to shame his family for generations to come.

But here's the thing, I wasn't considered the American girlfriend until things became "bad." Until their son began to exhibit a free will and an opinion different from their own. Instead I was the Asian girl that just needed to learn to be more Chinese, some day I'd learn exactly what they expected of me without them having to go through the trouble of asking. Surely an Asian can learn to be of another Asian culture, right?

This is an idea I think many of us can relate to, even beyond a race issue. Being identified as something we're not based on the assumption of our appearance. Because I am physically Korean, I was expected to just be Korean in conjunction with being American. Recently my coworker was taken aback that I gave her the most confused look when she said old Korean phrases to me. Even though she knows I'm adopted and she has met my very white parents, she still expected me to know Korean phrases. She promised to teach me all about them because I ought to know.

This is where I reminded her that I'm American, and while I appreciate learning about other cultures, I shouldn't ought to know cultural peculiarities of a country I was exported from as a baby.

The expectations don't stop there. People often assume that being Korean means I understand and identify with all other Asian countries and their cultures. Aside from being a pro Star Craft player, I should also understand the intricacies of making sushi and the traditions associated with Chinese New Year.

The nationality I do identify with seems to take a backseat to my appearance. Did my boyfriend's parents know that I'm American? Definitely, he told them well before they met me and didn't reveal that I'm Korean until later (whether or not they actually listened to him is debatable). I'm obviously fluent in English and my vocabulary is expansive enough. My mannerism are very American and Western, fork flipping and all. Perhaps I threw them off by being able to use chop sticks?

Yet I'm still offered tea that I decline every time I visit. His family gasps when I remind them I don't like fish. And don't even get me started on everything I didn't know about Chinese New Year.

The biggest lesson here is no matter what you identify yourself as, someone is always going to make an assumption about your identity. Not always do I correct people when they're wrong as some battles are not worth engaging, and sometimes I partake in the assumptions about myself. I wouldn't say assumptions are always harmful, it's just good to be mindful that you are, indeed, making an assumption. At the end of the day it's most important that I know I'm American and won't force myself to eat fish.